Step 3 was one I had been dreading. I am a pretty determined person. I have plans for my life. I have goals and dreams. I tend to take things into my own hands. I am a bit of a control freak. Giving up my will sounded terrifying. I don't have the kind of trust in God other people have. I questioned whether I could do it. What if I say I'll do His will and then don't do it? What if He asks me to do something I don't want to? I feel like I hardly know Him. Can I really trust Him? Does He really love me and have my best interests at heart?
The thing is, I do want to do God's will, at least sometimes. I try to keep the commandments - that's His will. I try to serve others - that's His will. I would like to be a force for good in the world and make a difference - that's His will too. At a high level I want to do His will. But when you get into the little details, it can get a lot less appealing. Changing my plans to do something He asks me to do. Asking me to get out of my comfort zone. Asking me to do something inconvenient. To do something I don't want to do. To give up my to do list. That is where the struggle is.
As I worked up the courage to take this step, I did a lot of journaling and reading online about others' thoughts about and experiences of giving their wills to God. Listening to a playlist I made about submitting to God provided a way for the Spirit to assure me that yes, I could do this. And eventually, I did.
John Pontius recommended keeping a notebook with you and writing down all the good actions that come to your mind during the day, then recording whether you did each one and what the outcome was. I've tried that but have yet to really learn much, and I'm not sure it's that accurate. I can't spend my whole day doing every. little. thing. that comes to mind. My brain is perfectly capable of thinking of good things on its own, thankyouverymuch.
I've been reassuring myself that it isn't until step 11 that you actually start praying and meditating to know and follow God's will. My hope is by the time I get there, I'll be more capable of knowing what He wants me to do. It's frustrating that you commit to giving your will to God in step 3 but don't actually start doing it till step 11, but I guess if you don't commit to giving your will to God, you'll never make it through the rest of the steps!
