Last night I came to the realization that despite all of the changes I've made in my life during the past 16 months, despite all the good things I've done and bad things I've stopped doing, I am still not much more spiritually better off than I was when I first woke up. I have been trying to perfect myself, to improve myself, leaning on my own understanding, relying on my own arm of flesh. They were good changes, but they were made because it was my will to make them, not God's. As a result they haven't been too efficacious. I had a friend warn me about this twice in the last year, but I didn't listen. I thought those changes were part of "all [I] can do."
It's a painful lesson to learn, especially after this long. I'm trying not to berate myself over lost time. The last 16 months haven't been a complete waste of time -- they taught me this lesson. I found my passion. I heard Jesus call my name.
So as of today I renounce all changes I made due to my own will, with a few exceptions. I'll continue to blog (because starting a blog was definitely His will, not mine). I'll continue to study the scriptures and pray. I'll continue to serve. I'll do the things He explicitly has asked me to do. And I'll make the changes He asks me to make by seeking to know and do His will instead of my own. (Something I'll talk more about when I cover Steps Three and Eleven...)
Showing posts with label humility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humility. Show all posts
Atonement Application Program - Step One: Honesty
Step One: Admit that I am powerless to overcome my weaknesses, flaws and sins.
There seems to be an attitude in the church that we just need to try harder to perfect ourselves, that we can discipline ourselves into perfection. We make lists and goals with the intent of becoming better people. We feel like when Nephi said that "it is by grace we are saved, after all we can do," he meant we have to DO EVERYTHING.... and then hopefully grace will kick in afterwards.
I am a classic example of this. I have been a goal-setting, New Year's resolution-making, checkbox-checking Latter-day Saint my whole life. I like thinking of myself as being a self-reliant, capable person. Unfortunately, that desire to be self-reliant has led to the belief that I could conquer any behavior or sin if I just had enough willpower and self-discipline.
For instance, I’ve tried to discipline myself to be more patient and less easily annoyed. I've never been that successful. I fail over and over. I get frustrated that I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. These failures have helped me see that I can't improve myself through discipline, determination and willpower. I need divine help to overcome the natural man. My own efforts can only get me so far.
Frequently we are guilty of trying to make the natural man into a saint instead of crucifying the natural man ("And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts," Galatians 5:24). We're guilty of relying on the arm of flesh to perfect ourselves instead of the Lord. We don't want to see, admit, or recognize just how powerless we are.
It's hard for me to admit I'm powerless. But it's pretty obvious that all my goals, resolutions and checkboxes have yet to turn me into a saint. Self-discipline and willpower have not worked. I've become bound with "flaxen cords" of sin that have become chains I'm unable to break on my own (2 Ne. 26:22).
It takes humility to admit we're powerless. In today's day and age where we worship the "god of self," nobody wants to admit they can't do something. The proud want to rationalize, minimize and cover up their sins. They don't see a reason to repent. Like Moses, I need to be humble and truly understand that I. am. nothing.
"It came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural strength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed" (Moses 1:10).
Ammon knew the same thing.
"I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things" (Alma 26:11–12).
I need to understand:
My own capabilities and wisdom are NOTHING compared to God's.
I can't perfect myself through my own efforts. I can never save myself through "industry" (Alma 4:6), "management" (Alma 30:17), or "genius" (Alma 30:17).
I can’t force myself or exert enough self-discipline to become spiritually-minded instead of carnally-minded.
I can only yield to the Spirit and do what it tells me to do in order to truly change. Only through the Spirit can I become regenerate, and strip off the natural man to become a saint.
I MUST rely "wholly" on Christ. I can't rely on myself or any other mortal. Relying on anyone other than Him, including myself, is damnation.
I can't save myself. Only Christ can.
My works don't merit any type of compensation. Only His do.
I am not worthy of esteem. Only He is.
I am nothing. He is everything.
There seems to be an attitude in the church that we just need to try harder to perfect ourselves, that we can discipline ourselves into perfection. We make lists and goals with the intent of becoming better people. We feel like when Nephi said that "it is by grace we are saved, after all we can do," he meant we have to DO EVERYTHING.... and then hopefully grace will kick in afterwards.
I am a classic example of this. I have been a goal-setting, New Year's resolution-making, checkbox-checking Latter-day Saint my whole life. I like thinking of myself as being a self-reliant, capable person. Unfortunately, that desire to be self-reliant has led to the belief that I could conquer any behavior or sin if I just had enough willpower and self-discipline.
For instance, I’ve tried to discipline myself to be more patient and less easily annoyed. I've never been that successful. I fail over and over. I get frustrated that I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. These failures have helped me see that I can't improve myself through discipline, determination and willpower. I need divine help to overcome the natural man. My own efforts can only get me so far.
Frequently we are guilty of trying to make the natural man into a saint instead of crucifying the natural man ("And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts," Galatians 5:24). We're guilty of relying on the arm of flesh to perfect ourselves instead of the Lord. We don't want to see, admit, or recognize just how powerless we are.
It's hard for me to admit I'm powerless. But it's pretty obvious that all my goals, resolutions and checkboxes have yet to turn me into a saint. Self-discipline and willpower have not worked. I've become bound with "flaxen cords" of sin that have become chains I'm unable to break on my own (2 Ne. 26:22).
It takes humility to admit we're powerless. In today's day and age where we worship the "god of self," nobody wants to admit they can't do something. The proud want to rationalize, minimize and cover up their sins. They don't see a reason to repent. Like Moses, I need to be humble and truly understand that I. am. nothing.
"It came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural strength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed" (Moses 1:10).
Ammon knew the same thing.
"I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things" (Alma 26:11–12).
I need to understand:
My own capabilities and wisdom are NOTHING compared to God's.
I can't perfect myself through my own efforts. I can never save myself through "industry" (Alma 4:6), "management" (Alma 30:17), or "genius" (Alma 30:17).
I can’t force myself or exert enough self-discipline to become spiritually-minded instead of carnally-minded.
I can only yield to the Spirit and do what it tells me to do in order to truly change. Only through the Spirit can I become regenerate, and strip off the natural man to become a saint.
I MUST rely "wholly" on Christ. I can't rely on myself or any other mortal. Relying on anyone other than Him, including myself, is damnation.
I can't save myself. Only Christ can.
My works don't merit any type of compensation. Only His do.
I am not worthy of esteem. Only He is.
I am nothing. He is everything.
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