Atonement Application Program - Step Three: Trust in God

Key Principle: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Step 3 was one I had been dreading. I am a pretty determined person. I have plans for my life. I have goals and dreams. I tend to take things into my own hands. I am a bit of a control freak. Giving up my will sounded terrifying. I don't have the kind of trust in God other people have.  I questioned whether I could do it.  What if I say I'll do His will and then don't do it? What if He asks me to do something I don't want to?  I feel like I hardly know Him.  Can I really trust Him?  Does He really love me and have my best interests at heart?

The thing is, I do want to do God's will, at least sometimes. I try to keep the commandments - that's His will. I try to serve others - that's His will. I would like to be a force for good in the world and make a difference - that's His will too. At a high level I want to do His will. But when you get into the little details, it can get a lot less appealing. Changing my plans to do something He asks me to do. Asking me to get out of my comfort zone. Asking me to do something inconvenient.  To do something I don't want to do.  To give up my to do list. That is where the struggle is.

As I worked up the courage to take this step, I did a lot of journaling and reading online about others' thoughts about and experiences of giving their wills to God.  Listening to a playlist I made about submitting to God provided a way for the Spirit to assure me that yes, I could do this.  And eventually, I did.

So far the problem hasn't been so much Him asking me to do things I don't want to do, but more of having no idea what He wants me to do.  I pray and listen and don't get any ideas.  It's a little frustrating.  I kind of feel like if I've made this commitment, I should get some instructions!

John Pontius recommended keeping a notebook with you and writing down all the good actions that come to your mind during the day, then recording whether you did each one and what the outcome was. I've tried that but have yet to really learn much, and I'm not sure it's that accurate.  I can't spend my whole day doing every. little. thing. that comes to mind.  My brain is perfectly capable of thinking of good things on its own, thankyouverymuch.

I've been reassuring myself that it isn't until step 11 that you actually start praying and meditating to know and follow God's will.  My hope is by the time I get there, I'll be more capable of knowing what He wants me to do.  It's frustrating that you commit to giving your will to God in step 3 but don't actually start doing it till step 11, but I guess if you don't commit to giving your will to God, you'll never make it through the rest of the steps!

Starting over - a personal experience with Step One (and Three)

Last night I came to the realization that despite all of the changes I've made in my life during the past 16 months, despite all the good things I've done and bad things I've stopped doing, I am still not much more spiritually better off than I was when I first woke up.  I have been trying to perfect myself, to improve myself, leaning on my own understanding, relying on my own arm of flesh.  They were good changes, but they were made because it was my will to make them, not God's.  As a result they haven't been too efficacious.  I had a friend warn me about this twice in the last year, but I didn't listen.  I thought those changes were part of "all [I] can do."

It's a painful lesson to learn, especially after this long.  I'm trying not to berate myself over lost time.  The last 16 months haven't been a complete waste of time -- they taught me this lesson.  I found my passion.  I heard Jesus call my name.

So as of today I renounce all changes I made due to my own will, with a few exceptions.  I'll continue to blog (because starting a blog was definitely His will, not mine).  I'll continue to study the scriptures and pray.  I'll continue to serve.  I'll do the things He explicitly has asked me to do.  And I'll make the changes He asks me to make by seeking to know and do His will instead of my own.  (Something I'll talk more about when I cover Steps Three and Eleven...)